On Saudade

A picture from what feels like a distant summer

April had already established that we are in a moment of communal grieving with quarantine. With August finishing its first week (ending on my birthday!), personally I have felt a new emotion: saudade. Saudade is a Portuguese and Galician word that is loosely defined as “a somewhat melancholic feeling of incompleteness related to thinking back on situations of privation due to the absence of someone or something, to move away from a place or thing, or to the absence of a set of particular and desirable experiences and pleasures once lived.” (definition from Dicionário Houaiss da Língua Portuguesa) That was a bit of a mouthful but certainly describes what I have been feeling. I am turning 23 and usually when I think back to this time in the summer, I think back to spending time with friends and family. Whether it was a weekend picnic or a day on a boardwalk, I find myself longing for being in the presence of those I love. Although I have a great consistent groupchat and at least one weekly zoom hangout with friends, there is still that longing. The longing is painful but not necessarily evil (although the institutions not taking responsibility for the health of their citizens may be). It is a form of communal grieving. It allows us to reflect on our communities and relationships with each other. It allows us to remember what was good and find unique ways to create new memories. It hopefully allows us to love each other more honestly and openly. And that is why I am celebrating saudade today.